Bloodlust: Purity
by lyrainthedark
Summary: After 20 years of relative calm, unfinished business rears its head with violent intentions, and Kagome and Sesshomaru must face a greater enemy than before...an enemy who wields the power of heaven itself. ON HOLD; posting original bloodlust first!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

On a Snowy Evening

"Mama! Catch!"

"Ai!"

A powder-soft ball of snow exploded from Kagome's blocking hands and left her with a fine mist of frozen dust stuck to her eyelashes and the fur of her outer robe. Laughter in childish tones struck the air, and Kagome turned with a mock-angry expression on her face.

"Soki, you know I don't like the cold!"

The laughing child in front of her responded with a bright grin. She was human, a girl of only eight or nine years, obviously not the child of the youkai lady she played with. When Rin had come to an age that meant she could live and love alone, Kagome had found Soki the same way Rin had once been found by Sesshomaru- a broken-bodied, broken-hearted almost baby, all out of second chances. The ransomed power of Tensaiga's soul had flashed then, from Kagome's body to Soki's soul – and another little girl had joined a family that seemed to deny no innocent heart.

Most of the brokenness had been healed by three years of growing and life, and now a gap-toothed smile shone wide under eyes with brilliance and twice as much sparkle as nature usually gifted.

"Come with me, Soki. Kouga's awakening is tonight and your father agreed you could stay up for the ceremony. Will you dress with me?"

The girl leapt out of the snow like an arctic fox in a splashing mound of crystals that lifted like new clouds into the sky. The gentle freeze that blanketed the world was as soft as wool, falling still around them in a cool parody of mist. The taste of snow ran thick in the air, fresh patterned flecks of light and fog coming to rest ice-heavy on the solemn remnants of autumn blooms, alabaster chrysanthemums glittering transparent in the winter sun.

Kagome tugged her adopted daughter through the cold and into the great fortress, unmoving against the storms, the wars, the peace. Twenty years of Kagome's habitation had softened the hardest corners, but the fortress had stood mostly unchanged for nearly twelve hundred years, and even her presence could not alter the stone. Walking down a familiar corridor to a familiar door, Kagome was filled suddenly with panic – a sense of irrational danger. It lasted less than a second, less than a moment, hugged at the light easing out from strands of her miko power and then was gone.

The intrusion pulled at her memory, drawing her back to thoughts and times that had crushed her heart as a penalty for living, cost her blood like water, salve for the wounds of the world. Intervening years had somewhat quieted the explosive terror of reaction to those thoughts – the training she received from Eldest helped more. To know finally and truly that the power she held she could wield and wield well was a precious gift.

She shook off memory with an oft practiced twist of her shoulders, and pulled open the door and shooed Soki into her little chambers, full of ocean colors, sky colors, azure, cerulean,

"Find something pretty to wear, Soki, and perhaps it won't be blue this time?"

The laughter cascaded again.

"Blue _is_ pretty!"

Kagome shook her head and left the girl alone, shutting the door behind her. Attempting silence and watching carefully around her with all senses at her disposal, Kagome turned her attention to finding her wayward, mischievous Shippou. He had the power to make himself difficult to find if he wanted to; he was proud of it, trained it carefully - it irritated Sesshomaru a thousand times more than it bothered her, but she did find it strange how little he had changed - less than her.

Nothing was wrong with him, nothing prevented him from aging as should have been normal - for youkai, anyway - that anyone could find. He was kitsune, youkai; like her Kouga, he should be coming to an Awakening, indeed, should already have had one. But he lived through the years and seemed to suffer almost no effect from them. Kouga, who would know the pangs of his awakening youkai soul in the night's ceremony, was nine years younger than his adopted sibling and did not show it.

Only silence greeted her every subtle probe at his Shippou's soul, seeking the source of this impossible agelessness, and yet... his unexplained power. He looked so young, as young as Kystra, thirteen years. In small ways, even in this time of general peace, Kagome's days avoided boredom without any trouble.

As these thoughts crossed her mind, the wall on her left between two stunning tapestries of winter and spring moved – a moment of close peering with her peripheral vision discerned a pair of glittering green eyes tucked away against the wall.

"Shippou! It is one thing to play games, but your brother's ceremony will begin in less than two hours and you cannot dress up in stone!" He grinned, a ridiculous expression of red mouth and pearly teeth glinting in the wall, and then he stepped forward and seemed to melt out of the stones.

"I am sorry mama, but its so much fun to play this way…if I'd been able to do this when I was small, Rin and I would have had a hundred times more fun."

Kagome shuddered, remembering, and Shippou laughed.

"Don't worry, mama, we'll behave tonight."

Kagome looked back at him with sharp eyes, catching all his words and rolling them through her thoughts.

"You convinced your sister to come!"

He was already off and running down the hallway to his room.

"Yes!"

Somehow he managed the word over his shoulder, running at full speed without falling on his face.

Kagome smiled, a sweet expression still innocent, and made her way down the stairs and through a mob of servants in the dining hall. The silent servants who had suffered so long unseen still kept their places – twenty years had helped heal the old sad wound, and even Sesshomaru found it more pleasant to see those who served him.

There was a change that brought laughter to her lips – her stoic mate, so proud in his silence and his mask of cold, glad for some company and so often smiling. Even if he did think no one knew; no one noticed. Even if was still the terrifying Sesshomaru she remembered with everyone outside their House. In her memories of him were the naughty and the nice, moments of solitude and passion, danger and laughter, the comforts of love.

~-~-~-~-~

Sesshomaru watched his son pull back the string of his bow, and the arrow on the string whistled down a path outlined by frozen strands of stem and twig. It thudded into the center of a drawn knot wood target with a satisfying '_thunk'_, and Sesshomaru smiled. There were violent thoughts in the gleam of his eyes.

"Excellent. You are as skilled as your mother."

Kouga shook his head.

"No one is as skilled as mother – she never misses a shot, never even misses dead center."

His father's smile widened.

"Perhaps, but then she has had...a lot of practice."

Kouga turned to him then, all of a sudden quiet in his motions, and Sesshomaru felt the stare of his son press against his skin like a hot wave. Scorched, he met Kouga's eyes, and the rippling edge between the silver and gold that he found there was muddied, dividing without separation.

"Where did she get her practice, father? I have been thinking, lately, and neither you nor mother will tell me anything about the past. All my questions are redirected; you tell the same stories, not about anything that I haven't heard before from everyone else. Why?"

Sesshomaru looked well and truly startled. The silence he had kept, that Kagome had kept, was a personal silence, a dogged silence that came from fear of the unsealing of quiet and the momentous tug of old memories that had locked themselves into patterns of pain. He felt suddenly trapped by his son's question -as if the words could bring the memory to life.

"What are you asking, Kouga? Why are you asking? Haven't you thought there might be nothing more to tell - "

"Nothing answers, again! Listen, father, listen! I have dreams of fighting you, dying and living under your sword. I see mother, and I _know_ it is mother, but she is...strange, changed, human. She walks by someone's side, but it is not yours - I have thoughts of violence that are intense and sacred to my dreaming thoughts, burning in my heart and clawing at my soul. I dream the end of the world in laughter, a withering soul in a darkness of purple pain. I dream my blood and burning blood, all over in silence. So, tell me! "

Sesshomaru reeled, struck dumb by an old anguish that forsook all hope, all possibilities of prayer and sacrifice.

"When did you dream these things, Kouga?"

The burning was back in the Inu-Prince's eyes, and he let his words crawl through his father's soul with the backwards harmony of vengeance.

"Ever...ever since I can remember."

"And you said nothing?"

Sesshomaru's question was sharp; he meant it to sting, and it did, but his eyes tracked the time of day and he shook his head.

"Your Awakening...the ritual takes place under the first hour of moonlight. I will talk to your mother after that. I cannot give you the answers you want, not unless she also agrees."

Kouga scowled, and then nodded. He couldn't hope for more than that, not now. He followed his father in silence, leaving his last arrow still in the target, shivering alone in the winter wind. From nowhere, he was undone in himself by half of a murmur in his father's voice.

"If something is happening - if something is happening again -

Awareness rushed all Kouga's limbs, and he felt in his thoughts a sudden beginning, like the turning of a key. The gold in his eyes dilated, reddened under the strain, and then he shuddered and pulled back, away from whatever howling door was before his senses.

~-~-~-~

The moon rose over the horizon, settling into the sky like a pale, quicksilver pupil in some great eye of the night. In the hours time it took for the moon to rise and hover high and bright over the trees, a crowd had gathered outside the great unsealed gates of the castle. Kouga stood still with his father and watched his mother, standing at a low wooden altar, holding a stone knife black with old blood. Behind her old allies and family stood in silent ranks, betraying no thought to his study.

Only a few obvious faces were missing – his mother's friends, the priest and his wife, home with a daughter who was due to deliver her first child at any moment. Kinawai was there, proud tiger lord of the northlands, still head of the Great Council, though it had not been convened since the end of the Dragon War. Akira stood behind him, once Commander of the Army of the West under his father in that same war, now Lord in the East.

Many heroes had been made, as many as in the elder legends. Rumors spoke of the dead Kasuka, but never louder than a whisper; they told how she had been the mate and betrayer of Kinawai and all those who touched his life. They told how night had flickered over the world with her living, and how her death brought a cleansing deeper than the iron heart of the earth. Kouga had heard all these things, but there was no sign of them now.

The gardens held more lovely flowers now, in the snow, than had bloomed in the warm season. Spectacular wraiths like opal champagne surrounded the crowd, suspended on bushes and trees of frosted steel. Momentarily, a soft distraction insinuated itself, words riding on the air with whittled malice in their sound. The deepest strings of a Chinese koto could have struck no more pulsing a note than the instant of breath that greeted a patter of wild footsteps, a shudder of low half-whispers that died under Sesshomaru's glare. His gaze whipped around eagerly, seeking some place to lay its violence.

The girl that stood before him was not often seen – a human woman, dropping by as quickly and lightly as a bird, a breeze - still, she was not unaccepted. With all the presence of a summer rain, she stepped up lightly to the Lord who was her father. For the sake of all those behind her, she dropped into the gentlest of bows, a lightening stroke of grace in her spine. She tucked a single blossom into the sash at his waist, as though she were only six again, and Sesshomaru allowed himself a rare moment of public sentiment and leaned down to embrace her. It pleased him to show his pleasure at her appearance; it pleased him to see the how much it disturbed certain _others_ that she belonged to him - that she was a daughter of his House, and human.

"Rin. I did not think you would come."

She smiled, and the expression was bright and open. Sun glinted in her hair even in the darkness.

"Of course Rin came. Today is an important day for my little brother."

She winked, and he scowled at her, teasing.

"Don't let your mother hear you talking that way. She was so happy when she taught you to speak properly."

"Yes, father."

Standing alone in the shadows, unnoticed, the lord Kinawai stood in awe of this dancing vision of happiness. She was nothing like the child he thought he remembered; she leapt in his vision like a goddess of the sun, alive with a radiant fire. There was copper shining in her hair until a cloud covered over the moon, and then she was dark, shadows and deep water. The hard brightening of his green tiger eyes shone just a little softer, and the waiting embers of his heart were lit. He watched the dances with unusual focus; he approached only Kagome, and she, blushing, accepted his compliments and smiled - but his eyes were on Rin; his ears were full of the sound of her footsteps, fading away on the grass.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

For the Name of a Son

For the second time in twenty years Sesshomaru's fortress was playing host to the Council of Lords, though the reason was ceremony, not victory. When the feast had been called and was ended, when the dancers had returned to their seats and the musicians were silent, the circle of visitors arose as one, and began a slow procession out towards the courtyards. Lord after lord, friends and enemies, moved close to each other and passed by without a word. If it had been a dance, the choreographer would have wept with pride; if it had been an occasion less serious, such intentness of movement and glance could have been amusing. Still, they all knew what they had come for, answering a call to instincts in the blood when they were not answerable even to the Gods. The call of youkai blood was lord of lords.

Aware of this, _feeling_ the quicksilver tug of awakening power, Kouga knelt alone in the center of the garden, in the center of the circle that was forming, his mother and her altar, her unsheathed knife, behind him. Over his bowed head, the drops of the fountain dropped with a silver_ 'plink_', the water warm and steaming in the cold air, brought up from the hot depths beneath the fortress. More delicate, more subtle than the rush of dark light that was his father's presence, he could feel the presence of newness within him, an aching will to destruction - the remorseless will to power. Beneath it there was quiet inside him, a waiting silence. Answers had been promised that filled his soul with wide wonder, and even under the pressure of his Awakening youki he wondered: was there power in dreams, or in a name?

His father didn't understand, and he knew this, had known it...as long as he could remember. It was the reason he had never shared the dreams of his childhood, the reason why these new visions, these dreams of wickedness, ate his heart. Lusting for his mother through someone else's eyes - what was wrong with him? Was there a flaw in his heart, some shine of darkness in his mind? He knew the eyes did not belong to him, had not belonged to him even when they were alive, but everything he saw through them was disturbing. Every nightmare he woke from halted him in distress. How many mornings did he ache to wash the night from his flesh with more than water and herbs? He had seen his own father in bloody battle; he had seen his mother's eyes flash with concern and passion for someone who was not his father - a _hanyou_, someone he knew by story if not by face.

_Inuyasha. My father's brother; and mother walked with him. But - she was not my mother. _

He did not know that the black-haired woman-child with the shining eyes in his dreams had _become _the demon-lady who was his mother; he did not know anything of that past. His thoughts roused the Awakening within, pushing at barriers of knowledge and pain. Into the silence around him he sent a charged aura of confusion. When he thought those thoughts, the sleeping presence of his dreams was roused alongside his own youki; he could feel it, like burning in his veins. Finally, his father came, wearing black and blood-red; he had that glinting depth in his eyes that always came with the presence of his mate.

"Kouga!"

His eyes met his father's, tempered with his short-created thoughts, and he stood, smiling without eyes, to step towards the altar, the shining knife.

"Father."

Sesshomaru took even steps backwards from his son and took the knife out of Kagome's hands. Her eyes narrowed a little, in fear or concern, he could not tell which. After so long, it was hard to remind himself of the reason she would feel that way, of what she still did not know, had not experienced. This would be the first Awakening she had seen.

The stone blade of the knife shone in the starlight, dark with old bloodstains. Without another word or a change of expression, he reached down and took Kouga's hands, forced them open, the fingers wide and splayed. Quickly, he passed the knife across the smooth skin. Without effort or pressure, it cut Kouga's palms to the bone. Blood splashed in thick streams down the blade of the knife, and the shifting youkai presence in Kouga's blood rose even closer to the surface under the swift sting and the layered scent of blood. Red clung to the edges of his vision, tainting the showing white of his eyes around the gilded silver. Sesshomaru's fangs glimmered in a half-smile of satisfaction, that Kouga saw through suddenly blurred vision.

Kagome took a step from behind them and took the knife from her mate. There was a frown in her eyes now, but she knew her duty; Sesshomaru had instructed her well. Carefully, she dragged the wet red edge of the blade against Sesshomaru's hands; his blood glowed red and then yellow; there was a similar flicker in his eyes, and then he forced the open wounds against his son's bleeding palms.

Kouga's eyes went wide, instantly and totally red. Dark hands closed off his throat and somehow he still screamed, howling a new meaning for fear into the night. His skin shivered, rose against the chill though his nerves trembled with burning. Hot violet lightening ran a marathon in his veins. His limbs shook with seizure and all his strength succumbed to the burst of his father's blood, its power. Power flashed, faster and slower, and then he went stiff as a violent shock of radiant energy flowed loose from his blood and poured in a golden-tinged violet blaze from every pore in his body. His howl became a wider, deeper call, and from behind him there was an answer from his Inu kin.

Vaguely, hazily, Kouga felt the energy ride free from him in a layer of sparkling warmth, full of glitter and comfort. He could not see through the tingle of light and night. Pinpricks became needles that stabbed past his eyelids and into his thoughts. The sky of his thoughts was blue and red, reversed colors that did not seem wrong, a collusion of noon and sunset. There was a voice, a murmur of darkness that told him to remember, but he knew his own life. He knew, too, what was in the memory, and what was left of his thoughts beneath the burn of awakening youki cried out against the past. It was not his! But shadows invaded the shallow planes of his soul, fumbling for history. It was - a vision.

**_The leaves on all the trees seemed unaware of winter's wanton approach, and shone with an extra layer of green. He could smell the familiar ahead – food, fire, bed. Clan and cave, the safety and sanctity of the tribe._

_Despite the dead he refused to leave behind, he was still a lord, still fighting for new honor for the wolf tribe, still fighting for the bloody glory due all youkai. But defeat! The thought brought a shine of anger to his eyes and the trembling of a halved growl to his lips. All spoke of the prowess of the Inu-no-Taisho, but he had fathered a half blood child! What weakness of the blood gave him desire for a human, and forced his seed into tainted hanyou blood? All spoke of the prowess of the Inu Lord, but he, Kouga, Prince of Wolves, had not truly believed his father would fall._

_Still, the blood of his line was strong blood, the strongest. Perhaps it was time that Son challenged Son, as Father had once challenged Father. _

_He ignored the welcome of his warriors and his females, did not stop at the den where his favorite, Mesera, had given him pups. He favored many with his lust, but none with his bond – the Prince of Wolves took no mate. _

_As he entered, the sounds of the outside were lost in the swish of the fur cover of his den behind him, and he let a quick, tight smile cross his face. Only now did he think again of his plan, and he realized then, three steps into his home, that he did not _have_ a plan. He had no idea where the hanyou son of the dead Inu Lord was, or even if the bastard was alive. No one had seen or heard from him in all the years since his birth- but that at least was assured. _

_It was known to him that the Elder son, the new Inu Lord, had become famous for the ice in his eyes, for the rule that he maintained with cold and careful pride. It was said that he hated all humans, that he despised them more than anything else. It was as if he thought that this way, he could make up for his father's breach of conduct. He resided in the great castle of marble and stone at the far edge of his southern lands, and was said to live by his powerful blade. He wore two swords; it was rumored that one could resurrect the dead. _

_Kouga had no intention of confronting the elder son. He was headstrong; pride burned in his heart, but he had no desire for an early death. The dark hand of the void did not beckon him with so much as a single finger._

_Success came to him in small ways. The battles he was leading his tribe through now were not going well. When he ventured out among those who lived on his lands, rumor reached his ears of an interesting series of events. It seemed that a miko was traveling with protection, trying to rejoin the many shattered pieces of the shikon no tama. What made it interesting was that the closest guardian of the priestess was a hanyou, half Inu youkai, half human, of just the right appearance to be the one he was searching for._

_As though there was nothing to fear, though rumor spoke otherwise, Kouga journeyed with an ardent purpose, following the whispers and the stories. Good deeds and fearful villagers, temples protected and torn down - and there was only a name left behind, not the miko, but her hanyou. Inuyasha, they said - Inuyasha. _

_What kind of leash did the witch have to tame the half-breed beast? Didn't she fear him? Didn't she fear a demon? What kind of miko would travel with a demon - with a hanyou?_

_At the end of his sixth day's traveling, Kouga came to a place that was both fraught with peril and full of a dead silence. He had come to the border that joined his land to that of the Inu. It was not definable by sight – only magic instinct and sometimes scent. There was no scent he could find that alerted him to wariness, but he had never met this new Inu Lord and could not fix a scent he had never encountered before. Still, it was unnecessary. The aura of the air was choked with youkai energy, dripping thick, and he nearly shied away from it. _

_*But my father.*_

_It forced him on._

_He was roused early the next morning by a rustle of voices, too far away for the ones speaking to know he even existed, but too close for his liking. Guard patrols did not listen well to excuses, and that was the first thought that came to him. He had no desire to get on the wrong side of the elder brother of his prey; canine muscles stretched and he leapt into a thicket of branches high over the half-path that wound through the trees. A youkai presence moved into his awareness then, so similar to the one around him, pulsing in the earth, that his claws shivered. He leapt from one thick-barked limb to another, away from the presence that could only be the Lord he wished so much to avoid. _

_*And I am only a day past the border! Bad luck…very, very bad!*_

_Far enough away that the aura-presence diminished to a shallow reminder, he dropped nimbly to the ground, and sought a farther aspect of the path he had been traveling. Lost in thought, mostly oblivious, he went fifty steps closer to a second youkai presence than his heartbeat was comfortable with. With narrow eyes, he wondered less in fear and more in annoyance at the possibilities confronting him. The same person could not be in front of him and behind him at the same time. There was only one Lord of the West, and he could not be in two places at once. _

_Realization was swift in coming._

_*The brother! But which is hunting the other? They cannot possibly be companions.*_

_Thoughts shook him._

_*The hanyou is coming; the hanyou, and the miko who is gathering the shikon no tama. This should be fun to watch.*_

_All the startling tricks given to the wolf Kouga had in abundance, heightened by a healthy dose of deep magic, and the earth magic knowledge given to his tribe. He was aided too by the slivers of gem that were embedded in the flesh of his legs. Its power allowed him to gather his energy, to use it to hide his motions and his scent from casual detection. _

_In utter silence, he perched in thick branches above the path, and waited carefully, ears open, eyes shut. When they came to each other, he was sure he would not need much energy to recognize it. In a few moments time, he felt a wave of power wash over and through him, and he wallowed in it with silent agony, leaving clawed scars in the branches he sat on. Leaves rustled against the wood with his shudders. _

_The Inu Lord looked up. Kouga was still, as unmoving as the earth itself. Discovery was avoided, barely, and Kouga wondered why he dared flirt with death. He remembered suddenly that there were pups in the den he had left behind, pups he had not even seen. As he was thinking these things, destruction came in the form of a sudden shout of challenge. _

_Steel rang twice, the glittering sound of a keen blade slipping form its sheath with bloody desires in its blade. The pressure of youkai energy intensified, and he peered down carefully between the leaves, surprised at what he saw. _

_The Inu Lord stood silent, his features a cold mask, his sword plain and long, glinting blue even in sunlight, carved in its hilt with the blue crescent mark of the House of the Moon. The hanyou carried a larger sword, and longer, shaped like the fang of a giant predator, and the edge held a magic of blood and wildness that moved in slow swirls through the metal of the blade. Kouga did not pay much attention to their hating words, waiting for a harsher battle to begin, but he heard a woman's voice, saw a flash of violet light, and then the tree he sat in shuddered with the force of something crashing into its base. Metal hit metal, and he worried less about the sounds he might make then, creeping closer to the ground to see what had hit his tree. _

_It was - a woman. He knew immediately, despite her outlandish dress, that she was the miko; there were shikon shards in a vial at her throat, for one thing - her bow and her shining, dangerous blood betrayed her, for another. But all he could see was a cloud of dark hair and the line of an ivory profile. Her eyes were fluttering, shining with a ring of violet power over their usual color, and he fell instantly and totally in love. _

_When she moved out of his vision he watched distractedly the rest of the battle, and did not especially care or regard it when the hanyou lit the edge of his sword and blades of shrieking, lightening colored wind took the Inu Lord down. Perhaps considering his intentions, what had been his fears, he should have paid more attention, but the woman had distracted him; her beauty, her obvious power. He heard her words, after she made her concern known to the hanyou - "I feel shikon shards, very close. Very close, Inuyasha!" And the thought froze him. If she could feel them, find them - of course. He _had _to have her! _

_He followed them back to their camp, heard their plans, and turned for home smiling. She would come to him eventually – she had to, it was her quest. Gingerly, he reached down and touched the pulsing skin that covered his implanted shards, smiled. He would take her away, and make her his woman; the half-blood would never touch her or look at her again. What was it he called her, what was her name? Kagome - yes...Kagome.**_

Kouga's eyes opened with a start, and he found himself on the ground, staring up into the violent black of the night's winter sky, and at his father, standing over him. Sesshomaru's eyes glinted with questions and with concerns. Somewhere in the face of his soul-awakened son was a flicker of fearful hate, and no one knew better than he all the portents of rage. Here was one he could not understand.

At the edge of Kouga's vision was an ivory profile in the moonlight, and he shuddered with memory and pain.

_What life do I remember, what eyes that are not my own? The one I was named for? What bond - what kind of curse was I given with my name?!_

After he had regained some control of himself, after he had forced himself to his feet, there was a second, less solemn procession. When the visitors had left, or retired to guest chambers to await the next day's feast, his father returned to him and handed him a sheathed sword, familiar to his eyes - painfully so.

"This is Tetsusaiga, Kouga. I have talked with your mother, and she agreed it was time you had a proper sword. She has never been one for blade work."

Kouga forced a smile out of himself. His mother's skill with the bow was legend, and it had always been her weapon of choice. He had heard tales of her wielding a sword – probably this sword – but she was miko and it was not her preference. He drew the sword from its sheath, and the smile fell off his face. The magic of the blade was unmistakable, and when he focused his power on the sword it rushed a shock through him like wildfire and gained suddenly a swirling, wind-tinted edge.

"I see. Father, you lost your arm to this sword - and your pride - and now you give it to me? That is not a good record, father. What is it going to now - this sword?"

They were stinging words, taunting, deliberately so. There was something of the _other_ in him, the memory-presence, and Kouga closed his mouth abruptly, sensing that this was so and trying to make it _not._

His father's face suddenly wore a mask Kouga had only ever seen on it in dreams...or in a vision.

"I do not recall telling you..._that_ story."

A dark, impenetrable mask descended suddenly over Sesshomaru's face. The place where his arm had been severed tingled faintly; there was no mark now, nothing to say he had ever suffered such a humiliating defeat...but he remembered.

"You didn't. I was - he was - I heard it in a dream, once. Inuya - a person was bragging. And - in my vision…in my Awakening, I was in a different place, and I saw. I was - I was Kouga!"

He saw his father's eyes widen out of his control, pupils darkening; it was only a moment, but it terrified him. It was fear, in his fathers face, and in no lifetime did he ever remember seeing that. It was fear...so what did that mean for him?

"Father - father help me, please. Help me..."

He was crouched at his father's feet, with his hands in his hair; Sesshomaru could barely see his eyes, but they were wide and dark. There was madness there, a madness of fear and sudden hopelessness and something else he could not define.

"Kouga! You are my son. As long as _you _remember that, I will do everything I can. Did you expect anything less?"

"No! I- father, what do I do?"

Sesshomaru was relieved to see that Kouga's trembling had stopped.

"Tomorrow is the full moon; tomorrow, your mother will see Eldest. I will tell her what you have told me, and she will tell Eldest."

Kouga stood and straightened himself out, pushed back the hair he had disarranged with his panicked grip.

"Do you trust Eldest, father?'

"No. But she has never lied to me."

For a long while, Kouga was distracted by those words. He could not understand - if she had never lied, why his father would not trust her. How else could you judge trust; how else could you give it meaning, except by the truth?

A/N...It was recently brought to my attention that someone had posted random chapters of my fanfiction on this site, and that's just annoying. So, I decided I'd post my own stuff myself. At the moment, I don't have access to all the files I'd need to repost the original Bloodlust to this site, but you can read it at deviantart under Lyrainthedark; its posted there...or you can read it at mediaminer; search the Inuyasha fictions, for, once again, Bloodlust. Much thanks to all readers!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Tapped

Sesshomaru found Kagome alone in the garden where they had held the rite; she was watching the fountain, and her eyes were smoky with feelings.

"Did you give him the sword? And his...answers?"

"Yes. And no."

He came up beside her and settled his hands around her waist, pulled her close. It was a strain on him, having so many visitors at one time. Some he did not mind - Akira, Kinawai - but the rest! It made him long for the old days, for the days of violence when they had all been too afraid to come near. To touch his mate, to be near her, was soothing.

"Something is troubling Kouga, mate. More than I thought, earlier, when I asked your permission to answer his questions. More than I thought possible. He is being consumed, Kagome. By that Wolf, I think."

He paused for a moment to look at her, sort out her scent and its meaning.

"Kouga?"

He was proud of her voice, the single word well controlled, but he wondered, hearing it, if she understood his meaning fully.

"I have never seen what I saw on our son's face in anyone but that Wolf. Kouga...our Kouga was totally lost in the awareness of someone else, peering out at us....and so familiar. When I asked, he told me he has been dreaming for as long as he can remember."

Sesshomaru felt Kagome's shoulders tremble suddenly under his hands.

"Dreaming? Dreaming what?"

"That Wolf; his life. Tonight he told me...enough that I believe him."

The thought momentarily flashed through his mind, the shape of his son's lips forming his brother's name, the thought of his son possessing the knowledge of his greatest shame. Reflexively, the fingers of his restored hand twitched and tightened.

"I would not have believed him, but I have seen that look before, that unbending arrogance. In that wolf's eyes…even Inuyasha looked at me with fear, behind his bravado, and not...that."

Kagome looked up at Sesshomaru with a shadow of sorrow on her face.

"Eldest told me once that the bonds of death are beyond all mortal understanding. Even we youkai are mortal; even the gods can die. Kouga died for our son, and we gave him that name to honor the dead. But then -"

Sesshomaru's fingers clutched momentarily at the fabric of her robe and tore it, scratched her skin.

"He could have the wolf's soul…in which case I hope the blood of our house will strengthen him."

A tiny ember of wrath flickered in Kagome's eyes then, small but strong.

"Do not forget that he gave his life for me and for our son. That is a worthy soul, Sesshomaru."

He knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing, but wrong did not mean _not true_.

"Do not be angry, mate. I understand your devotion to the honor of a dead friend. That does not mean he wasn't a fool, arrogant instead of fearful. He had the wild tendencies of the old days - "

He saw her mouth begin to open, and silenced her oncoming words with a steady gaze.

" -and he had compassion, and he loved you. I know these things too but the truth is that he was reckless, and I do not like the thought of our son - "

Kagome smiled in sadness.

"I know. But you can't forget the rest."

"I gave our son his name so I would not forget. Now…now it seems that he cannot _stop_ remembering. I do not know what secret pains he is hiding, but there is uneasiness in me that came with what lingered in his eyes."

Startled out of her own memories, she stared at her mate and her face flickered between worry and grief.

"Whatever it is, Sess-chan, it does not belong to him. If he has visions, if he has dreams...they are moments cut out of time; they do not really belong to him."

"Tell me, Kagome - does he know that? Does he?"

She shook her head silently, not answering his question but denying it totally, denying its existence, its possibilities.

"I will go to Eldest tomorrow, at moonrise. She will help us."

His eyes were dark; he remembered what he had said to Kouga and felt the truth of the words wash over him again.

_I don't trust her._

"Maybe, she will help us. If she can."

~-~-~-~-~

In the silence of the sleeping fortress, Kouga, unlike his mother, could not deny his father's question...but it was his sister who asked it of him.

Kouga's only youkai sibling was eight years younger, born with no danger in a quiet room six years after the peace had settled over the land. She was fourteen now, and there was a wildness in her eyes that made it seem like she was the one who should have been born in battle and in blood. She had inherited their mother's miko strength; she had taken up her first sword at three over their mother's objection. Their father had taught her to wield twin swords, and she was swift and lethal in the art of their use. Now, listening to Kouga's vision, his dreams, there was fiery concern in her face, but no skepticism.

"I don't know what to believe, onii-san. I trust you, that you are telling what you know, but I don't understand. It is really a memory?"

"I don't know! That's why...it's so confusing, Kystra! And I can't talk to father about it, or mother...I keep wondering, do I have some kind of obligation to the past? If the Kouga who died - if his soul is mine, does that mean I'm - _him_? Or that he's me? Or -"

They had been sitting on cushions in the corner of her sitting-room; now she stood and crossed to the other side of the room, where a low altar, like the one he had just spent the night in front of, sat unassuming against the wall. It was almost bare; branches of the sacred tree, a mirror, a knife, a shallow stone bowl, a candle. The bowl shimmered, full of clear liquid. Carefully, so it would not spill, she lifted one of the _sakaki _branches and dipped it in the oil. The leaves emerged shining, the long stem glistening. She allowed the excess to drip back into the bowl and lay the long branch carefully across her mirror.

"This is strange oil, Kouga, endowed with strange properties. Mother gave it to me last winter, after she came back from Eldest...you remember, Kouga, the week she was gone?"

He nodded; how could he forget? Without her around, father was impossible.

"Anyway, on a mirror it has the power to open visions, to open the mind's eye into the past, or the future, or even into some other place."

The surface of the mirror was already darkening as she spoke, absorbing the oil from the branch, and the greenness of it, somehow, the life of it. Kouga raised one eyebrow, impressed somehow by the simplicity of this power. Kystra motioned her brother forward, until he was standing beside her, looking down at the altar, the mirror.

"I think maybe this could help you, brother...at least help you decide if is a memory, or just...a dream. Look in the mirror, Kouga. What do you see?"

His eyes flashed down and then up to her face.

"I see darkness, and a dead branch of the sacred tree. I can't see anything in your miko-mirror, Kystra. Only females ever have that power; even among humans, that is true."

"Humans have priests - like mother's friend, Miroku-san."

There was a bit of a growl in her voice, a bit of a challenge.

"Even so - I'm not human."

"I don't think _anything_ is impossible. You carry our mother's blood, the same as I do, and it is her blood that gave me my miko. If there was no power in you, you wouldn't see darkness in the mirror, you would see the ceiling reflected in it. Didn't anyone tell you that during your Awakening, the light in you was violet? They were all whispering about it afterward - dangerous, they called you."

He smiled at that, even though he didn't understand how it was possible. If they thought he was dangerous, all those lords and their females...that was a good thing, someday a very good thing.

"Well - if - what should I do, Kystra?"

His sister grinned at him, the wide, feral grin of her best days at sword-practice. Faster than he could blink, her hand flashed out and he hissed in pain; a shallow cut was open on his arm, and he saw blood on the knife in his sister's hand, blood flowing down the blade to drip onto the oiled glass. She lay the knife back down and watched the mirror's color begin to flicker with satisfaction on her face.

"It is blood that is power, Kouga, so you must give your blood to the mirror."

The oil had parted to allow his blood and the change of color from darkness to brilliant, gold-rimmed violet was complete. Kouga's eyes widened with more than a little shock

"Kystra….what do I do?"

She spoke as softly as he had, barely more than a whisper.

"Watch the reflection, the light. Make it show you what you want to see; focus on it."

"Ahh - it - is it…supposed to hurt…this much?"

Sweat was beading on his forehead, and he felt a compulsion now to look into the mirror; he could not look away. The colors were hypnotizing, and there were flares in them now, brightening suddenly and then fading away. Startled by the intense response, Kystra turned to look at him, and fear broke the satisfaction in her eyes. The pupils were dark, expanding red; there was gold there, and violet, but the red was dominant and there was tension in the lines of his jaw, a twitch at the corner of his eyes.

"Kouga! Stop, Kouga!"

The red won in his eyes, and suddenly and totally blocked out all the other colors. There was a pulse in the air around him, and she knew it for what it was - the Change, the submission. She knew, too, that he was too young, far too young...he had barely Awakened.

"Kouga!"

In a panic, frantic, terrified, Kystra reached for the knife and slit her palm, flooded her brother's blood from the mirror with her own. The mirror began to shiver, quivering in its place, and Kystra's eyes turned from her brother's to the mirror, watching the battle of power. She felt on a tug on herself, and sighed as Kouga began to relax away from the terrible edge; the unfocused power of the mirror was falling back into itself, back to calm miko-violet.

Slowly, slowly, Kouga stepped backwards and then pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, rubbed hard. He felt weak, shaky; he had seen a vision, alright, but he could not understand it, didn't know what it had to do with him or his...condition. He took a deep breath and looked across at his sister to thank her.

"Kystra - Kystra, I -"

A bright, black bolt leapt out of the glass and the sacred branch was lit with black fire, fire that burned hotter than normal fire, fire that, though so small, he could feel from five steps away. His eyes moved from the branch to his sister, her eyes wide now, surprise obvious on her face.

"Kystra, is it supposed to do that? I don't think its - Kystra?"

She shook her head twice, and then tried to take a step back. He _saw _it, saw the strain of her legs trying to left her feet from the floor, saw the twitch of her knees, the sudden spasm in the rest of her body when she realized that she could not move. In that moment, he became aware that he, too, was stuck in place, as if his feet were chained to the floor.

Sparks of black and sickly yellow power were rising in waves from the mirror and the flaming branch; when they reaching the stone floor they disappeared, but where they touched his flesh power breached his skin with a cackle of electric energy. A lightening bolt of agony breached his eyes, forced them shut, and he screamed. He heard his sister's anguish beside him, higher pitched, louder, and knew the same thing was happening to her, but he could not spare a thought for her condition, could not breathe or move or twitch except in response to the pain. Mama, he thought. _Mama_. The word fled his lungs in a rush of air; the fortress rang with it, shook with it. Everything stopped, from the lowest basement to the highest balcony; everyone heard.

Kagome heard, and felt suddenly a presence of danger so threatening she could not believe she had missed it. She ran through the hallways with a speed she had only achieved once before; Shippou had lived because of that speed - Inuyasha had died. There was a rush of silence in the energy-laden air, and then the door crashed open and she was in her daughter's room. She took over the entire room in a moment, her presence entering in everywhere, probing into every crevice, every corner, dissipating every shadow.

Her eyes took in the mirror, rising from its place on tendrils of power - her children, twisted in agony, screaming. Her eyes cast around the room, found Kystra's bow in the corner next to an empty quiver; she leapt for the bow and took a deep breath, drew the power out, shaped it. It was draining to do this, but the power moved, following her intentions eagerly, easily, for the first time. She let the arrow go, a seamless length of light aimed at the glare of yellow power, the black fire, the mirror. Instantly, it shattered into pieces. The explosion of her own power washed away any hint of anything else. She saw the bits of the mirror go flying through the air in slow motion; the screams of her children were a moment longer in fading, and then they fell in twin heaps on the floor. Cautiously, she lowered the bow; her eyes were wild with the sudden drain but she stood ready to do it again if she had to. When she was convinced that the fire had gone out, that the alien power had faded completely, she dropped the bow and ran to her son.

He was already weakened by the strain of his Awakening; she didn't know what else had almost awakened in this room, but his eyes were still red with the strain.

"Kouga? Kouga, can you hear me?"

"Moth- mother -"

His face was returning to normal, the color fading from his eyes, and Kagome helped him to sit up. Her eyes scanned him quickly, saw that he was mostly unhurt, and then she went to Kystra and lifted her up, questioned her well being in quiet tones.

"Kystra? Kystra, are you alright?"

She was silent; Kouga could see his sister's eyes, open wide as if staring, but there was no movement in them; only her mouth moved, shaping silent words. He looked away and a single shard of the broken mirror caught his eye. It was glimmering bloodily on the floor, oozing oil, and he stared hard at it, feeling sparkles of pain in his head and in the many tiny wounds were the power had touched him.

"Can you stand up, Kouga? Can you walk?"

It was his father's voice, and he looked up, startled.

"I - think so."

He took his father's hand, hoisted himself up and took a deep breath. His eyes strayed across to his sister, being lifted by their mother.

"Is - is she - "

"I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with her."

Sesshomaru led him with a steadying hand on his arm, out of his sister's rooms and down the hall towards his own chambers.

"Sit here; rest. I will be back when I have seen to your sister."

Kouga forsook the chair, the bed, to slide down the wall and put his head between his knees.

_If something happens to her - if she - if she dies, it is my fault. She interfered for my sake; I should never have agreed, never!_

Thick and sudden came the scent of his mother's blood, and power.

~-~-~-~-~

Kagome held hot, miko light in her hands and it was still warm where it touched her daughter's body. She had lain in silence for a few moments, and then she had twisted, convulsed, obeying disorderly nerves. Kagome had been taught once, about such things; it looked like a seizure, but she knew there was nothing wrong with Kystra - or rather, that there _had been _nothing wrong with her. For nearly a minute, the power burned; she heard Sesshomaru enter the room behind her and stand quietly, waiting. Under the calming, healing influence, Kystra grew calmer, and Sesshomaru reached down quickly to steady her; she was swaying almost as badly as Kouga had been.

"Kagome. What happened?"

"I don't know. Did Kouga say anything? Kystra is - she will not be able. I don't think we should try to wake her, not yet anyway."

He shook his head, almost angry, full of discontent that wanted to tear at his questions, find answers in the pieces.

"He said nothing. I did not ask; he is not himself either, although..."

He did not speak for a few moments, watching Kystra. Kagome saw worry flicker across his forehead in tense lines.

"What did _you_ do, mate?" She closed her eyes, and he felt her shudder, felt the long waves of movement come up from her bones.

"I broke a mirror, Kystra's mirror."

The shudder continued, moved into Sesshomaru. Mirrors were pain, dangerous pain. He had been thinking, just that afternoon - if something were happening again...

"I am going to talk to Kouga, then. He should be sleeping, after his Awakening, but we cannot afford the time."

Quickly, he strode out of the room - quickly, so he would feel more purposeful, as if he were doing something. He was helpless in the face of his daughter's pain; he could hear whispers beginning around him, in the rooms and hallways, pressing on his ears. The guests who had stayed could smell blood in the air, had heard the screams; he would have questions to answer, a hundred of them, and he did not even have the answers for himself yet.

_*I should be thankful that the rest have already left. The ones who stayed, I can trust._*

Kouga was sitting silently against the wall; his breathing was deep, but irregular, not sleep-breathing.

"Kouga."

Slowly, too slowly for his liking, his son raised his eyes. It was more than fatigue dragging down his motions; there was unwillingness, the unwillingness of pain.

"Tell me what happened to you, and to your sister. Your mother said she shattered a mirror."

Kouga nodded, again, too slowly.

"Yes. Kystra's mirror. She dipped a branch of the sacred tree in oil, and put it on the mirror, and then...my blood. She put my blood on the mirror, and told me to look into it."

There was no emotion, no passion to punctuate his words. His lips moved slowly, steel-clad, as reluctant to reveal this misery as if it were poison passing his lips. His jaw tightened and showed a stiff line from chin to ear, dimming his continued words.

"There was - I saw - and then there was this light, power...it burned me."

His eyes flashed down to his arms, where the deep puncture-burns had not yet even begun to heal.

"And Kystra, she used her power, her blood - to get rid of mine, I think. And then - that - that - the power - and I saw -

He fell silent, and stared up at his father, but the person in front of him was no longer his father; it was Sesshomaru-sama, the Inu-no-Taisho, and this person who was usually his father was an icy, intimidating figure.

"Please, father. I cannot live with visions like this, with these - dreams."

A shudder, a momentary convulsion, wracked his body.

"Either the memories or I have to go, I know it, I can feel it. I cannot be two people; I cannot follow this…_other_ Kouga."

Sesshomaru continued to stand silently for a long minute; his eyes bored down into his son like bright amber coals.

"I will send Rin to see you, when I can find her. Stay here. I will not be sleeping tonight; I don't think your mother will be, either."

When he was gone Kouga closed his eyes, letting hot tears burn like fire behind his eyelids and streak down onto his face.

His father would not have approved, but his father did not know the secret he carried in himself. When he spoke his lips said 'mother' but his heart was dismayed by memory. There was a pulse, a pressure of _other _inside him, trying to force his words, his actions. What would happen if, even once, he called her by name?

She had taken his pieces of the shikon no tama– so small, those shards! – with only the threat of her power, shining in the eyes of this other youkai with his name, shining brighter than the sun!...his thoughts stopped, confused. He had never had a piece of that gem. It was strung around his mother's neck; it had been whole before his birth, he knew that!

Somewhere in his head a whisper, a voice, said that that was a lie, had to be a lie. He could not *_feel_* which was the truth, could not find it; uneasily, only half-awake now, he passed into other realms of thought. His sister's face flashed before his eyes as it had been when she lay in his mother's arms. He saw her empty eyes, the frozen scream on her face, and his hands tightened. Blood slipped down his fingers to the floor.

A/N: I think I'll pause here for now and continue with the revisions (which is actually what I'm posting by the way, you can read up to 26 chapters of Purity at mediaminer or deviantart right now...wouldn't really recommend it though, these are some pretty large revisions.) I'll post more chapters on this site if it seems people are actually reading it; please review, so that I know if its worth the time!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Currency

When morning had come, just the first faint hints of dawn, Kouga was startled awake by a gentle click; it was the closing of the door, but his brain was too sleep-fogged for him to be aware. Sometime during the night, someone must have noticed that he was sleeping, and put him in his parents bed. For a moment, before he had a chance to blink and yawn and look around properly, he remembered waking up in this room as a pup - before Kystra had been born, before he had begun to suspect that his dreams were not the same as everyone else's dreams. Before...

"Kouga, you are awake?"

He jumped, startled, and then looked across the room at the owner of the disruptive voice.

"Rin."

She smiled at him, only half as brightly as usual, and came to sit at the edge of the bed with soft movements.

"You are feeling better now, little brother? `Tou-san was worried when he came to find me, you know. Something must have happened, or - "

Kouga pulled himself up against the pillows and looked across at Rin with thin layers of annoyance painted on his face.

"I hate it when you sneak up on me."

"You just can`t bear to lose to a human girl, little brother. What would Otou-san say?"

Kouga shut his eyes and turned his face away from her.

"Did he send you here to torment me, Rin?"

The sharp expression that usually had hold of her features softened just a little.

"No. Sorry, Kouga. Will you tell me what happened? Otou-san…he would not say anything, but I could tell - "

"Kystra - she - and I -"

His eyes suddenly began to burn behind their lids and he opened them abruptly, stared at the wall with such intensity that Rin felt it, radiating. She leaned to one side and stole a glance at his face; there was red pressure there, and he looked more like their father than she had ever seen.

"I can't tell you. I don't know what happened. Kystra…she wanted me to look in her mirror, her miko mirror, and I did. I knew I shouldn't, but I did anyway, and then…it was _breaking_ me, Rin, breaking me and there is no way I can describe that sensation to you. Pain…so much pain."

His voice broke off and faded, then returned.

"That mirror - it was pulling on me; it brought something out of me. And Kystra - she tried to stop it, did it, I think, but then the mirror changed. I heard her screaming, but I couldn't do anything, _anything._ The mirror - there was power, like fire, and sparks that burned my skin. See, here? And then…"

"Then mother came."

"Yes. And Rin, while I was sleeping just now, my dreams…they weren't mine. I keep remembering things, things I shouldn't remember. Always, but since the ceremony…Okaa-san broke the shikon no tama. Did you know that, Rin?"

The change of subject was sudden and startling, but she nodded.

"Yes. When I was first found, and Otou-san was still Sesshomaru-sama, I heard many people talking about that….I don't know when I found out that _she_ had broken it, though. Maybe not until after she came here to stay?"

Her voice was doubtful.

"But you don't need to tell me anything, Kouga. 'Tou-san told me everything, and he was worried about this, too. Are they really _his_ memories, little brother?"

"His?"

"Kouga's."

Silently, he nodded, and her mouth made a silent `o'. She understood; Rin always understood.

"Have you told father - _that_? He…did not mention it. He said only that you were troubled by dreams. Visions."

"Yes. The first vision that wasn't a dream came just after I was Awakened."

A thought occurred to him then and he finally turned to face her and met her eyes.

"Rin, you were there. At the rite. Tell me - the light, was it -"

"Purple. Violet, actually, as bright as Okaa-san's power."

"But - "

"As bright, I said. Miko are female, and you are not, although…you know, they say there are no youkai Priests, but I think papa is one. And you. Like -"

"Like Miroku-san?"

His voice was heavy with sarcasm that Rin didn't understand.

"Kystra said that…before she stirred the mirror. But you want to make me like father, Rin. I am not the chosen of the kami; one of the God-kin, maybe, but that is because I am his son!"

"You are all that, in your youkai soul."

Her voice was calm, dry. It leached some of the exasperation, the anger, from his thoughts.

"Will you tell me about your dream, Kouga?"

It was not something he really wanted to talk about, but if there was anyone he could tell, it was Rin. She would not judge him; Kouga closed his eyes, enhancing the memory when there was no need. Images stood out freshly painted inside his eyelids, outlined in light and fury. He saw the dream he had just had as vividly as if he were sleeping, and drew it over again with words for his sister.

"I am him, in these dreams. I am…Kouga. More than once he has seen her, the miko who travels with the hanyou he is hunting, but she has never known that I was there."

Easily, too easily he slipped into first person. Rin's eyes wore worry in knots that tightened with every `I' her brother spoke.

"I followed her scent for days; it is much fresher than the half-blood's, layers of freshly crushed berries, autumn berries, and the sharpness of a snapped cinnamon-stick. In the dark I find their fire, and I hide my scent with my power and the turning of the wind. I have seen proof that he is strong, this hanyou, I have seen him fight his youkai brother and win, but his senses are still weaker with his weaker blood.

"They aren't far from my den, and I know the priestess can _feel_ the piece of the shikon no tama I carry, hot against my chest, responding to the pulse of the fragments she carries. There is another miko near them now, one I have never seen before, but she is darkness and her scent is the taste of dark things under the earth. Carefully, while they are making ready to follow the _presence_ only the miko can feel, I go away from them. The trail I leave would be easy for even the humans to follow. It is simple this way; I must only wait for her to come to me_."_

Kouga's claws tightened in the bed as he spoke, making little rents in the furs that lay over his thighs, and he forced away a demon-pressure that was fast become familiar, tasting memories on his tongue.

"In the morning, on a cliffside, I found her with sun in her hair. I _wanted_ her, even then - and it hurt to see _him_ touching her, elbow, shoulder, arm, hip, and I wanted to kill! That was my reason now, not an old blood feud, not the memory of my father's failure. I think…I forgot she was human. I wanted her for my mate, to be mine along. Miko are strong, dangerous. It wouldn't matter if her blood was thin. She flushed when I smiled at her, but fangs always do that to females.

"I stole her from the hanyou; I brought her to my Hall, to my den, so that I could finish her introductions, to find out why she sought the pieces. She said, "I am Kagome, searching for the pieces of the Shikon no tama, to restore what was broken, to protect it from darkness." She told me, when I asked her, that she had broken it; she told me, when she asked me for the shards that I had no intention of giving her.

"The miko, Kagome - I want her. I ask her to stay with me, to be my woman, my mate, and she is shocked, panicked; the hanyou comes, to rescue her, the one I was hunting…but he was stronger after all, stronger than I could have suspected…"

It was the end of the dream; he had woken then, but now he fell silent, taking deep breaths, feeling coolness spread in his blood, overwriting the fire. When he opened his eyes again, Rin was bending over him, her hand on his forehead, her eyes bright with fear and concern.

"I understand _all_ your pain, little brother, but I do not know how to heal the wounds of someone else's memories. This is another life, now; that is all I can say and I know it is not enough. But - she is your mother now, Kouga. Your mother!"

He shuddered, wrenching all thoughts of Kagome from his mind, his own and…the others.

"I don`t even want to think of her anymore, Rin. It`s…dangerous."

"Father said you've been having these dreams for a long time; why didn't they bother you before? What changed, Kouga? Was it only the Awakening?"

"I…don`t know."

Abruptly, she stood and turned for the door.

"Rin? Where are you going?"

"To find father. Something - something is happening again. I remember…this feeling."

"What? Rin -"

But she was gone, and he heard her footsteps speed down the hallway and become quiet on the stairs. Kouga shook his head, trying to clear it, and lay back against his parents' pillows. Silently, he prayed for a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When she was sure that Kystra was resting as comfortably as she could be, Kagome left her daughter's side and went in search of her mate. She found Sesshomaru sitting with his eyes closed in the garden that had hosted the rite early in the evening. So little time had passed, mere hours; how could so many terrible things have happened? She heard low voices, and stepped forward quietly; long years had honed her practice and taught Sesshomaru the impossibility of keeping secrets from her. Now, she heard Sesshomaru's voice, and Rin's.

The tree that Sesshomaru had chosen to sit beneath was the only one in the garden that still bore leaves; it was a demon-flower tree, and the clusters of tiny blossoms were lit with amber tones under the bluish light of the half moon. Looking up at them, waiting for the conversation to run its course, she found herself longing for the wine-soft color the dawn light would show in those flower. To her demon soul, night felt safer, but the remnants of her human heart clung to the sun.

"Something has happened to Kouga, Otou-san."

The way Rin said Kouga's name brought Kagome's senses to attention. There was concern as well as a hint of anger in Rin`s voice, anger that Kagome could not immediately place.

"Something?"

"He told me about his vision and his dreams, father. He told me who they belong to, and it is dangerous for him, Otou-san. He is confused, losing himself, his place in his flesh."

"But that is not _something_ , that is -"

"Otou-san, when he was a pup they were the dreams of a pup, but now -"

And Kagome heard the sharp intake of Sesshomaru's breath, and was only surprised that she herself did not make a sound. She felt…cold. Cold, like dead hands were pulling at her skin, tugging on her fingers, stroking her cheek. Sesshomaru spoke, cutting of Rin's words, and his voice was possessed by that same chill.

"I understand."

Purposefully, shivering with that internal frostiness, Kagome strode forward so that they both could hear her; she could see the reflection of their conversation, its implication, in both their faces, and it was a terrible thing. They were the only two who truly knew…except for Sango, and Miroku. All the rest that could have remembered were dead. _Kouga_ was dead.

_Except now he lives in my son. My son, who we gave his name, to honor him. Sesshomaru - Sesshomaru did it, all by himself. Ah -_

With that thought, she understand the faint and horrible guilt that was tightening the edges of his features.

"How is Kouga, Rin?"

Rin blinked rapidly, swallowed once and shook her head.

"Not much changed. He was…sleeping, when I went in. We talked for a little while; he told me some of what happened while he was with Kystra, but nothing that can help, I think. 'Kaa-san, what about Kystra? I did not go to see her, since -"

"Your father is right, Rin. She is sleeping; it is an unnatural sleep, but it is better than a seizure…I am going to ask Eldest for help, she has far more experience with healing youkai than I."

"Yes. But, Okaa-san…"

Kagome rubbed her arms and focused on her daughter's face.

"What is it, Rin?"

"I…it's just, I don't trust her, Okaa-san."

Sesshomaru's eyes flashed to his daughter's face, hearing his own sentiments spoken…but he would not have dared say such a thing to his mate. It was dangerous. Even after twenty years, she was still far too open with her words, her emotions, her…truth. She was not really made for Councils and intrigues; she had told him stories and it really seemed as though her world had been a simpler world. She proved his supposition to him as he watched, her face flaming bright with anger that faded quickly.

"Rin! Eldest has never once done anything to make me distrust her. She has helped us…more than once. Why would you say something like that?"

Rin shrugged; her eyes had caught the flash on her father's face, and that interested her more than Kagome's discomfort.

"I don't know her as well as you do, Okaa-san. She is very mysterious, and she…she's told me some very strange things."

"Didn't she teach you, Rin? I thought you would be grateful."

"'Kaa-san! I am grateful, but that doesn't mean…I just don't trust her motives. I don't understand _why_ she helps us."

Sesshomaru stepped forward and silenced Rin with a glance; she did not protest.

"Mate, please go back to Kystra and stay with her. If she wakes - "

"I do not think she will wake, Sess-chan."

She saw the protest forming on his face, and spoke quickly to prevent the words she knew were coming.

"But if she does, I will question her. And you - you tend to Kouga. Help him, Sesshomaru."

And he heard, behind her words, the plea that she could not say in words. How much had she heard? He had hoped to spare her the pain of knowing.

_And I, I am to help him. How do I do that? How do I rid him of that Wolf and his want…Kouga. If it is…because of that, then it is my fault._

The night, and then the day, passed slowly. Kagome closeted herself with Kystra and refused to see the Lords and their mates who had stayed to pay homage in honor of Kouga's Awakening. Her heart darkened whenever she thought of what had happened overnight; the screams, the violence, had been heard, power felt, and she had no desire to answer the questions she knew would come at her.

Sesshomaru slipped through empty corridors and corner doorways until he found Kinawai, and entrusted "the management of all these…_guests_" to him.

Kinawai, conversing with Akira and Histaru, was less than pleased. Even among the three of them, closest to Sesshomaru, there was had no explanation for the his sudden disappearance or the events of the previous evening. They could not have silenced the rumors flying around them without forbidding speech.

When the twilight came, the sky began to look as if was leaking grey star-dust over the world. Snow, in think, blanketing cascades, shut out the sunset. Before the night had settled, Kagome said goodbye to Sesshomaru, and Kouga - and Kystra, sleeping now with Rin by her side.

* * *

Kagome ran on light feet to the forest that edged the plain in front of the fortress. The miles disappeared under her; she was running to the midpoint, the place between the north-forest Slower, she wandered through the trees, feeling the health of the wood around her. Spirits were allies and walking in this wild place, full of breath and motion that she could not remember ever feeling in other woods. In this place, where the trees broached the edge of the hills and the grass, was the last, reaching finger of Inuyasha's forest. Here there was tone in the wind and texture in the voices of the trees; here, she could swear that that she could feel the Goshinboku, feel the well.

The arrows she made here from straight twigs and fallen feathers from this forest flew faster and with deeper power, opening wide throats to accept her miko. A score of arrows hummed latent in their quiver on her back and she held her bow as she ran, strung for caution`s sake. She had not fired an arrow for anything but practice in the last twenty years.

Who deigned to fight a legend?

Ahead of her, as the snow began to thicken and cloud her vision, in a clearing where a once-shimmering pond was jagged ice, Eldest was waiting. The whispers of the evening snowfall lifted coils and wisps of green hair from around her shoulders, and they waved in the snow-fog like snakes, casting a deeper shadow on her dark skin. She bowed briefly as Kagome approached, and held out a hand to prevent Kagome from speaking.

"I know why you are here, Kagome. And before you give me all your concerns, all your worries, there is something…I should tell you."

Kagome nodded.

"Alright, Eldest, what is it?"

For a moment, pure uncertainty filled her as she gazed into Eldest's eyes. There was something - strange there, something she could not define or identify. What was it? Or maybe just Rin's words, making her feel…

"I can give you no more, Kagome. Anything more that you want to learn…I do not think I can teach you. You still have living left to do; I have no intention of sharing death-secrets with you. Not now, not when you are still so young."

Kagome's eyes took on sharpness and stood out brightly in the windblown night.

"I wanted know why my daughter is sleeping in an unnatural sleep, and why my son has memories that belong to the dead, to the soul of a wolf whose life he _cannot_ share. And _now_ you choose to tell me that you have left the path of teaching? When I know so little…so little."

She fell silent, angry, not completely sure of why. Eldest had agreed to teach her, had offered to do so, in fact - and for twenty years, she had done exactly that. Was it fair of her to complain if Eldest desired a break? Kagome knelt beside her, in the snow and shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I need your help, and here I am making trouble, when I should be begging for aid."

"It is forgiven; do not worry about it. I will answer your questions, sister-daughter, as I always have…but this time I think the knowledge must have a price. Are you will to pay the price of this knowledge?"

"Do I have a choice? I am so afraid that my daughter will die…and Sesshomaru would tell me that I should not say that…that I am afraid. But it feels…I have this terrible feeling."

A moment of quiet corroded her voice.

"I will not let Kystra die; I will not let my son lose his mind to the dead. I will….I will pay your price, Eldest. What do you want from me?"

Something elusive that might have been sorrow touched her from Eldest's smile.

"Not too much, Kagome, not too much. When I ask you, when I know it is time, I want you to take my life. Kill me the way you killed Kasuka. I want you…I want you to purify me."

The world stopped around them; the wind lifted its arms away from where they stood. The frozen ripples of the pond stood out sharp against the faintness of the snow and for a moment, it seemed like the whole world was listening.

"Take…take your _life_ ? Purify your soul?"

Kagome was almost laughing.

"I still do not know how I…how I did that to Kasuka, but she was darkness and evil, an essence, like pure despair. What is there to purify in a true miko?"

"The soul of the beast, the hunger of the dragon, the youkai in me…I want them banished! I want freedom for my soul; I want to know there will be complete and silent rest. I do not wish to be reborn. I have lived enough - my soul has seen enough, suffered enough. Give me a share of oblivion, with my daughter."

Kagome spoke steadily, softly.

"I understand. I will do as you ask, if you ask. But you should remember…that even if you helped me hurt her, I did it. I killed her. You do not have to punish yourself…you do not have to do this!"

The ice-color of Eldest's eyes flickered red with anger.

"You think it is that easy to hate your child, to not hate yourself in the process?"

Kagome's thoughts flashed suddenly to the expression on Sesshomaru's face, on Rin's, as they realized…and she wondered. Could she hate Kouga, her own child, her own flesh and blood? Even if…

"No. It is not easy"

"Only you, you and perhaps…your mate - only the two of you could hurt me if you chose. But you have agreed to pay my price, Kagome. You have already agreed, and both of us are bound to give full value."

A shuddering sigh broke through, a sentimental noise that redeemed nothing, and Eldest stared down at the lines in her clawed hands, tasting the future, callow on her tongue.

"It is Kystra who is fallen, is it not? Not the human girl."

"Yes. Her mirror…I think it broke her somehow. From what I have managed to put together, I think she made Kouga look in her mirror, gave his blood to it, and something…happened."

"Kouga…your son's blood? Why would she do such a thing? A male cannot be a miko."

Kagome shook her head slowly.

"I don't know. I don't know. But you were not there at his Awakening, Eldest, you did not see. They were all…those lords, their mates, the servants - even Sesshomaru and Akira - they were all whispering about it. The light…this light that came from him was violet, only Inu-gold at the edges. They were saying that it was because - because of me - "

"We will discuss your son later, Kagome. Now - Kystra."

Kagome took a deep breath, nodded.

"She has the wildest soul of all your children, sister-daughter. It matches her father's. I believe your daughter is suffering the penalties of her wildness now, the penalties for her curiosity and her penchant for the unusual. She has done something forbidden!"

"Forbidden - "

Kagome's voice came out hesitant.

"That pup - she is lucky she is youkai. She would never have been able to live as a human woman…and even though she is youkai, there are still some restrictions no miko can breach without consequences!"

"What - "

"A long time ago, the gods lay down sanctions against any man taking up the mantle, or the magics, of a miko. Perhaps two or three times in fifty generations, there might be a man with such a power, such possibilities in them, yet despite this rarity, the few there were managed to wreak great devastation. Men, having power, must use that power - to conquer, to keep, to dominate, to protect. The gods entrusted only women, who used their power for this last cause only, to keep the sacred duty and the purifying power. For a male to use a miko mirror - "

"But she - she didn't know! _I_ didn't know - you never told me -"

"It is the most basic teaching of any miko, one of the deepest taboos in the use of blood power. How could you not know it? The teachers of your youth - what were they thinking?"

For a single moment, utterly surprised, Kagome stared at Eldest with a shocked expression. Didn't she know? Hadn't anyone ever told her…or more importantly, did she even need to be told?

"Don't you know…don't you know -"

"What to do? I am not sure. I will have to see her myself and that…would not be wise right now. There are too many in your home for me go there myself."

Kagome wiped her face clean and nodded slowly, but inside her thoughts were reeling.

_She doesn't know. She doesn't know that I'm from - the future. I…can't believe it. What is going on? What is she doing?_

"Sister-daughter, there is far more to this than I thought previously. If your son is suffering."

"_Yes_."

"Then we must have time to work with this. Go back to your daughter, Kagome, and use what I have taught you to find what is in her dreams. Your son - is he…otherwise well?"

"Yes. He is not physically hurt, if that's what you mean."

"Then make what arrangements you need and come to my home as soon as you are able. You may not remember the way, but your mate knows where I live. Bring your son with you, and be prepared. You will look into the water; you will See in the Glynynn."

The memory of old visions contorted Kagome's face. Her lips set into a thin, unsmiling line, and she nodded, but she felt more than a little discontent.

"I will come. But what about _full value_ ?"

"I cannot give more to you than the future, Kagome. Come quickly; I do not think…there is much time. Something…"

She shook her head, and turned away into the snow. Alone, Kagome stood and watched her go, and then watched the way she had gone. She heard her daughter's words in her thoughts now, and they made more sense. Not to trust her…what was going on? Her son and her daughter hurting, her teacher…asking for death? What was she supposed to do now?

_It is not supposed to be this hard. It was supposed to be easy, peaceful now. I restored the shikon no tama; I killed Kasuka - it was all over. It was all resolved._

She had almost forgotten that behind her, not many snow-covered miles away, there was a well, bright with power, that stood open, waiting - she had almost forgotten that the shikon no tama needed, not only restoration, but purification. She had almost forgotten that after the long, beautiful day, there is bloody sunset…and the fall of night.


End file.
